Still Sick

So last night I'm thinking, "okay, if I'm running a fever before I go to bed then I'll call in for a sub and I won't go to work tomorrow. I don't feel too horrible at this point, but if I have a fever I shouldn't go to work, right? The fever was always the most serious of indicators of being sick. When I was a kid there were certain days that I just didn't want to go to school. My parents would always say that if I was sick then I could stay home, but if I was well enough then I needed to go to school. In my mind the degree to which one had to be sick was dependant entirely on the degree on the thermometer. If you had a fever you could stay home. A cough, a sneeze, a runny nose. I never felt like I could get away with staying home with just these pansy symptoms. No, I had to have an abnormal body tempurature. I even remember playing with the thermometer to see if I could rig it in someway as to give me a higher tempurature. But it always read me as being way to hot, which was unbelievable. I didn't have the cahones to get the job done anyway. I was cursed with the inability to lie. Which was probably my downfall when it came to being sick and staying home. My dad would ask, "Can you make it at school? If you think you can go you need to go." Of course I'm thinking, "tough it out, don't be a wimp. If I'm tough on myself I can go to school." In reality, I think some of those times I probably did need to stay home. But I was always afraid that I would be outed as a fake. Or at least thought of as one.

So, last night as I'm checking my tempurature, which the previous night and early that morning had read in the high 99s, I'm thinking that I don't feel too sick. But, sure enough, 99.7. So I figure that even though I don't feel like I'm on my death bed, I should at least go see a doctor tomorrow. After all, I have a FEVER. There is a little snag however, being that I've never had to call in sick and appearantly there is a procedure to signing in that I've never gone through and all the paperwork I need is at school. This morning I go up to the school in my PJs and try to get things ready for a sub. But the secretary tells me that I have to stay at school until the sub gets there, because, since it was called in so late she might not be there on time. To make a long story short I waas about to throw in the towel and say, fine, I'll stay! But the sub eventually showed, after the kids were already in the room and the tardy bell rang. I felt like a fake. Here I am at school, and now I'm going home? If I'm at school why can't I just stay there? I checked and the fever had gone away, but I still had the other symtoms. Plus, everyone kept saying that I needed to see a doctor. I left, after much angst and deliberation, but it wasn't without a guilty feeling hanging over me. Why did I feel guilty? This is ligit, right? I guess it is still hard to feel like an adult sometimes with the ability to make my own decisions about weather I should stay home or not. The part I guess I felt bad about was that we just got off of Spring Break. As if, I should have gotten all my sick out of the way over the break.

I'm at home now. I have a doctor's appointment in a couple of hours. It's been so long since I went to the doctor for anything. It's been even longer since it was for something other than pain killers or stitches or a physical. I just don't get sick. Maybe that's why I have a hard time staying home. It's just so hard to believe that I'm not imune to everything.