Walken Into a Mess

The way your dad looked at it, this watch was your birthright. He'd be damned if any of the slopes were gonna get their greasy yellow hands on his boy's birthright. So he hid it in the one place he knew he could hide something: his ass. Five long years, he wore this watch up his ass. Then when he died of dysentery, he gave me the watch. I hid this uncomfortable piece of metal up my ass for two years. Then, after seven years, I was sent home to my family. And now, little man, I give the watch to you.

This brilliantly funny monologue from the movie Pulp Fiction was delivered deadpan with all the sincerity in the world by, one of the finest and most loved character actors of all time. He has frightened us in more than one movie, made us cry in a couple more and made us laugh plenty of times. A man known for his evil, nasty characters, those close to Walken know him as a very gentle, friendly man with a brilliant mind and thirst for life.

I believe that it is this attitude and reputation as a well liked, respected human being aside from his acting abilities that has lead to the emergence of Walken 2008, Christopher Walken's bid for the Presidency.

When it comes to actors turn politicians, or actors turn anything, for that matter, I often have a hard time accepting them as sincere and not just trying to bring more attention onto themselves. After all, actors have this inherent desire to be loved and admired and be in the spotlight and politics garner that type of attention in a very similar way as acting does. You would think that as an actor myself I would be more willing to give actors the benefit, but I think it just means that I have even more reason to be skeptical.

But, Walken is different. He's not just any celebrity, trying to hog the headlines. On the contrary, Walken is of the rare breed that shuns the spotlight, but craves the joy and challenge of a heady, complex character study. Walken is an artist, not a celebrity. So, when I saw this site I decided to give Mr. Walken a chance.

It turns out that the platform claims could have come directly from my lips if I had ever been able to verbalize the feelings I had on the issues plaguing our country right now. He seemed quite moderately liberal and gave good well thought out reasoning following each stance. I thought that I may have my candidate for the next presidential election, an election that is sure to produce some interesting, albeit frighteningly inept and snarky candidates. I've not been looking forward to the new crop of political saviors and so Walken seemed like a breath of fresh air.

Unfortunately, as you've probably already figured out, it's all a hoax.

But, man, our own liberal version of a well liked celebrity. Someone who people will really get behind and support, not for all the good reasons, but for the superficial ones, too. You know, the kind that really win elections. Bill Clinton, minus the sex scandals, Al Gore plus Dubyas strange likability. (Which would mean that I wouldn't like him, which would be okay if he was as qualified to lead the country as Gore was. The point is the general population would like him and so he'd win.)

I'm looking for a cross between Jimmy Carter's heart, Al Gore's brain, George W. Bush's balls, and Clinton's sheer animal magnetism. And throw some of that Reagan charm in there for good measure and you've got yourself a president to lead us into the millennium, baby!