What I want you to know. Which is everything.

Friday, November 11, 2005

The Final Ride of Broqueric Martinez: Part 1

Chad Nall (friend, minister, Kinsmen) gave an account of one of his escapades in juvenile delinquency in a recent blog entry. This has encouraged me to reveal something that I've probably never told anyone.**

I am Broqeric Martinez! (to be said with a Spanish accent)

I am not alone, mind you. Broqeric Martinez is actually a triumvirate of mischief and mayhem funded, guided and supported by yet another, supposedly wiser, older gentleman. The three of us who made up Broqeric Martinez would ride the fields of Columbus, Tejas pillaging and plundering the local folk, taking nothing but leaving much more than a legacy behind.

Our attacks from the dark of the night were legendary in, not only Central Texas, but Oklahoma as well. We were a whirlwind of terror and frustration that would leave the gentlest of camp administration writhing their gym towel in irritation.

Until one day...

The following is a dramatic interpretation of actual events. The names have been changed to sound cooler.

Int. A dark room. There are two figures under a hanging lamp that just barely illuminates their faces. They are two young men named EURIC and KEVIN.

EURIC
I'm glad we met Kevin. We have much discuss.

KEVIN
Indeed, we do, Kevin.

EURIC
But, you're Kevin.

KEVIN
Oh?

EURIC
You didn't get the memo?

KEVIN
You know, I did, but I couldn't make it out.

EURIC
It was in Aramaic.

KEVIN
That's what it was. I only speak Russian and Mandarin Chinese.

EURIC
And English.

KEVIN
Of course.

EURIC
And, we've gotten off topic. Let's try to focus. We've got a gig coming up and I want this one to go smooth. Not like that last debacle in the Red Oaks.

KEVIN
That was messy. Sometimes I think I can still feel Pop Rocks in my rectum.

EURIC
I don't really want to talk about it. But I do want to plan what this next one should look like. Here I've drawn out a sketch.

EURIC hands a spiral notebook to KEVIN who turns the notebook every which way trying to make heads or tails of it.

KEVIN
Is this more Aramaic?

EURIC
Let me see.

EURIC takes the note book from KEVIN

EURIC
Sorry, that's my calculus homework. Here.

EURIC turns some pages and hands the notebook back over to KEVIN

KEVIN
Ahh. Ahhhhhhh! Oooohoohoo! Ahhaaah! HA, HA, HA!

KEVIN and EURIC both erupt into a sinister and revealing laugh that fills the room. It is stopped by a much brighter light being turned on behind KEVIN. The laughing stops abruptly.

Eurasia POV. A younger boy with a bright naiveƃe smile and wide eyes is standing next to the light switch. His name is BRODY and he is sipping a "Big Gulp" and speaks in a loud voice.

BRODY
Hey guys, it's dark in here. Why don't y'all turn on some lights.

EURIC
Geez, Brody! Will you keep it down. My grandma's asleep in the next room. She can see the light through the crack under her door.

BRODY
Oh, sorry! Should I...

GRANDMA'S voice is heard from behind KEVIN

GRANDMA
Eric!

EURIC
It's Euric, Grandma!

GRANDMA
Whatever! Is that you making a ruckus in there.

EURIC
Sorry, Grandma!

GRANDMA
I can see the light from under the door.

EURIC
(to BRODY, in a whisper)Turn it off, turn it off!

BRODY flips off the light switch and it returns to the way it was before.

EURIC
Sorry, Grandma!

GRANDMA
Is that Kevin in there.

KEVIN
Hi, Grandma.

GRANDMA
Hiya,sweetiey! Kevin, feel free to whatever's in the fridge, dear.

KEVIN
Thanks, Grandma.

GRANDMA
Eric, when your finished playing, can you bring me the Calamine lotion?

EURIC
Euric, Grandma. And, we...Okay!

GRANDMA
Keep it down now.

KEVIN, EURIC, and BRODY
Yes, Grandma.

BRODY pulls a chair up next to KEVIN under the low light, once again.

EURIC
Thanks a bunch, Brody.

BRODY
Sorry, I didn't know.

EURIC
Okay, forget about it. Let's just get back to business. Brody, these are the plans for the next job over at the Gulf Coast Encampment during the Annual Spring Retreat.

EURIC hands BRODY the spiral notebook

BRODY
Calculous?

EURIC
No, here.

EURIC flips the notebook over

BRODY
This is good. This is real good. Do you think that it might be a little too good?

KEVIN
What does that mean?

EURIC
If we execute this plan just as Matteau hasprescribedd, it can't go wrong. I've taken the liberty adding my own flavor for a reallyinterestingg touch. As we arebecomingg aged and weather-worn, it shall soon behoove us to train others to replace us.

KEVIN
Replace Broqeric Martinez? Never!

EURIC
Yes. Do we wish our legacy to live on. Should we fade into society as an unknown, forever forgotten dream. Or would you rather the legend live on. Become..Legendaryy, even. Through those who came before us we rode on the wings of glory to newheightss of mischief. In that same way we shall gather the budding pranksters and teach them the ways of Broqeric Martinez. I dare not leave them to their own devises to besmirch the quality craftsmanship with which we have smeared annoyance across the land.

KEVIN
Well, when you put it like that...

BRODY
I'm in. So what are what's your plan?

EURIC
We make it known among the little'uns that Broqeric Martinez shall be admitting not one, not two, yea, threesaplingss to water and nurture as apprentices until they are ready to take over the reigns of the moniker itself.

KEVIN
Then it's settled, I guess. We've decided we will launch water balloons at the girls cabin, and we're going to bring a couple of squirts along with us.

BRODY
Neeto!

EURIC
Come on, guys. Can't you make it sound more mysterious?

KEVIN and BRODY think for a minute.

KEVIN
I've got it. A puntar a la ventana!

TO BE CONTINUED...

**Not true. I tell anyone within earshot when I get a chance.

6 comments:

Nellie said...

Awaiting the next installment. :)

sarahdawn said...

If this is the incident I remember I beleive your cover was blown after this planned attack. (thus the title "final ride"?) Indeed, I remember smacking you repeatedly in the gymnasium of the said encampment. Your dramatic interpretation is quite thrilling though....I look forward to reading your version of the ending to this one!

Jason said...

Kevin? You changed your name to sound cooler, and the best you came up with is Kevin? Why not just call Eric "Paul", make me "Wayne", and Casey Roach could be "Winnie Cooper"?

Brody and Euric are definitely cooler, though. Matteau might be if it wasn't as obvious. By the way, are the legends of Broqeric Martinez still passed down through MoSt lore?

Looking forward to Installment #2.

MDH said...

"Older gentleman?!?"

I understand literary license but "older."

Ouch.

priest said...

oh wow. what a nite. I do recall that Euric, Brody, and Kevin were quite terrified of the impending apology to the Kirbster...

we need to have a reunion out there some day, whaddya say.

ah yes, the innocent beginnings of the moboyz.

Kyle said...

Yes, Kevin wasn't too thrilled about said conversation with Basketball Kirb as he will be titled in the story. But, let's not give too much away because parts 2 and 3 shall be ever so compelling.