What I want you to know. Which is everything.

Monday, August 07, 2006

Bonker's Messes

I am often, if not always on the look for better ways to clean up after my cats. For instance, Bonkers sheds a lot. I've never known a cat to shed like this and I've had cats all my life. If I hold Bonkers for even a moment my cloths are covered with thick, grey cat hair. When we have people spend the night at our apartment we have to clean the futon so they can sleep there. Bonkers doesn't spend much time there anymore because I started spraying him with water everytime he'd get up there, but I would spend at least an hour with a combo tape roller thing and vacuum cleaning that thing off. I would usually go through an entire roll of that stuff.

I'm always trying to find ways to get him to not shed as much. A couple of years ago we bought this brush. It's rubber and is supposed to have some kind of static cling power to attract as much hair as possible and then you just pull the hair off. The brush worked really well. It would pull loose hair off that cat until the cows came home. If I'm sitting at my computer Bonkers will generally let me pet and hold him as long as I want, so I would sit here with Bonkers in my lap brushing him for extended periods of time. Before long I would have handfuls of thick, grey cat hair. Typically, there would be enough that, without squishing it down, would fill a coffee. And the hair kept coming. And coming. And coming. Finally I realized that the damn cat was growing hair faster than I could pull it off of him. It didn't stop. I would wonder why the cat wasn't bald, I could pull off so much hair. It was quite remarkable actually. "Bonkers! The cat with unlimited amounts of hair!"

After a while I stopped trying. He wasn't sitting on the futon anymore, and while the papazon chair the crevices within are a jungle of fur and hair with which one could probably weave a sweater for a small boy, we never sit there and just kind of let him take it over as his throne. I still brush him to remove the excess at times, but generally it's like one of those dreams where you're climbing a staircase that leads nowhere. What's the point. Just turn around and sit on one of the steps and wait til it's all over.

The only other problem we have with Bonkers are his rogue turd nuggets. Bonkers, if you didn't already know this, is without a tale, but he does have a little tuft of fur back on his butt. Sometimes when he goes #2 a perfectly round little poop ball will follow him out of the litter box only to drop on the floor somewhere along the way. So, when we arrive home from anywhere it's not uncommon for us to find a little present lying on the floor in any number of places. It's my theory, as Bonkers is keen toward batting around little things that roll on the ground, that he probably utilizes his feces as a little self made toy.

We've yet to come up with a solution to this little issue, short of shaving his butt. Now that I think of it, that's not a bad idea. I wonder if Amanda would be mad at me. Hmmm.


Jason said...

"rogue turd nuggets"

That phrase and the subsequent discussion of said "nuggets" is one of the funniest things I've read in a long time. Gotta love that scatological humor

I am thinking twice about how often we'll want to visit your place, though.

Kyle said...

It's not that bad. If you ever come over Amanda would make sure that everything was perfect, believe me.

Nellie said...

Oh, Kyle, you made me laugh out loud!

We no longer have a cat, but we have had a few in our day, most of which had some type of neurotic behavior. One loved to drag towels out of the linen closet and leave them all over the house. Another one loved to jump up on the kitchen counter and attack a loaf of bread leaving claw holes all over the wrapping.

Our favorite cat, however, taught herself to "go potty" in the toilet. It was hilarious! We were never able to get her to flush though.

We no longer have cat fur, but we have lots of dog hair. Maybe we can combine them and make a culturally diverse animal wrap!

sarahdawn said...

Maybe the potty kitty was your favorite Nellie, but the bread attacking feline will always be mine. We actually started keeping the bread in the microwave at all times to keep her out of it. I think you eventually got a bread box or something. She really was neurotic. I miss her. What I don't miss it he incessant yell of my father: "Sarah, clean out the litter box!!!!"

sarahdawn said...

By the way, if you ever decide to shave Bonker's butt could you please video tape that for the rest of us? I would love to watch! May parents once gave me a comical book on how to bath a cat...I imagin shaving one would be even more "fun"!

ML said...

Bonkers is such a chubby loveable cat. He would be the oblivious lovable fellow in a play that has no idea people laugh at him behind his back.
Kyle, don't shave his butt. That would take away what symblence of a tail he has.
Tonight Homer was very curious of the 6 foot ladder in our living room and he climbed up to the top, sat there looking down and investigated both sides climbing up and down. Baby enjoys dragging things into the liviing room while meowing that she has something like a stuffed animal, my toothbrush, my bigger hairbrush, a comb, my bracelets, pills, etc. Weird cats, but so fun to watch.

Anonymous said...

i'm thinking you should just call around to one of those animal saloons, the kind that groom dogs. find you one that grooms cats as well and just have the cats hair shaved short. perhaps w/a 1". you could do it yourself, but i'm sure that wouldn't be the epitomy of fun if your cat isn't declawed.

i have a cat, i'm thinking about shaving it. NO PUN INTENDED for all you pervs out there! lol