What I want you to know. Which is everything.

Sunday, September 03, 2006

Peace That Passes Understanding

I heard a guy say this tonight: It is my right to not know.

I agree with this. I also think that we have the right not to try to figure out things that we cannot understand. He also said that we tend to diefy or demonize things that we don't understand in order to make sense of them. I had to agree whole heartedly with this statement, but it isn't something that negates or challenges my faith. My faith in God is a choice not based on mathematics or science and I like it that way. I don't think that I would like to have God or Christianity or the Bible proven to me. I think nothing wouldd destroy my passion for it more. I believe in the Gospel because I choose to believe because it brings me comfort and happiness and makes sense out of a non-sensical world. Hope is a word that Christians bandy about a lot, but then they speak of truth as if it's fact. I don't have hope in facts. If I stab myself, I know that I will bleed. I don't hope it doesn't or does happen because know it will.

I hope in things that I haven't seen. It is a choice that I make. I could easily choose otherwise and sometimes I want to, but I don't. This is what I choose to believe. But, I reserve the right to not know.

I've spent the last two nights auditioning for "The Laramie Project", a play about the killing of Matthew Shepard, a gay college student, supposedly killed because of his sexual orientation. The auditions were conducted in a very unique fashion. Instead of simply having people read from script or memorize monologues the director had groups of three sit down and interview each other with the rest of the auditioners looking on. This was to represent the interviews that the actors did with Laramie, Wyoming residents, which make up the bulk of the play. Most of the discussion was about the righteous or un-righteousness of homosexuality and how each person felt about it. I verbalized, tonight, something I've felt for sometime in a way I hadn't before.

I don't understand homosexuality. I don't understand why men want to be with other men and not women. It doesn't make any sense to me. It doesn't work.

I don't understand calculous. I don't understand what it is or why it is used or how. I doesn't make sense to me.

But, if a mathamatician told me that something was proven through calculous I wouldn't say, "No, that doesn't make sense and therefore it's wrong." I would take his word for it because it is something he understands but I do not. I don't have the right to make judgement calls on math that I don't understand.

You don't have to understand in order to accept.

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