What I want you to know. Which is everything.

Friday, May 27, 2005

"There ain't sunshine..."

School is out and I am free of job type responsibilities for awhile. I love the summer. I am a summer kind of person. Even when I wasn't a teacher and I had to work during the summer I have enjoyed myself because there is something about the heat and the air of fun and freedom. It's like this is what the earth was building up to. Winter is like pre-production, Spring is the rehearsal period, and Summer is the performance. The performance is always the most fun. Then, of course comes the strike, fall.

I have lived my life in the theatre so those who know me proabably think this is an appropriate thing for me to talk about. So, I'm here, the first day of work freedom and my wife is already making use of her summer. Her friends from work and she are taking a trip to a lakehouse up in Wimberly owned by one of their parents. If weather permits she will chill by the lake and float down the river and drink Margaritas and have lots of fun. And I'm really happy for her. She needs this stress reliever. Her job of taking care of the education of 7 and 8 year olds is much harder than mine. I realize this. I tell her all the time, too. I make no quarrel with the arguement that she works harder than I do, because she does.

But I miss her. I don't know why because I've been doing about the same thing that I would any other day if she were here. I'm reading blogs, and writing and recording music and doing all the things that I like to do alone, but she's not here. Usually, I would be sporatically interupted by Amanda, telling me to come and see something cute the cat is doing. I begrudgingly get up and enter the living room to find our cat, Pumpkin, doing something absolutely precious that I've seen it do a million times before. "That's nice." I say and head back into the computer room. Or, Wednesday as Amanda was watching the American Idol Finale and she yells back at me, "Kyle, did you hear that?" I yell back, "Yeah!" I always kind of considered these things annoyances because it took me away from my work. My plays and my music and whatever else I might be into that month. But I miss it. She's not gone from me very often, but when she is, I miss her. I'm glad she's gone this weekend because I'm going to be away all day Saturday, with my class and then graduation, but tonight, when I have nothing to do, and no one to do anything with, I realize how much I love her and can't wait until she's back home. I want her to come into the computer room and say, "Kyle, you've been in here too long. You need to spend some time with me." To which I'll say, "In a minute, let me finish this thought on this blog." Well now, I have nothing to finish for, except perhaps myself, but that never really motivated me in the past, so why should it now. To keep going is easier than finishing because finishing will mean that I am again without Amanda and her company. This entry has brought her to the forefront of my mind and therefore I feel like I'm with her again.

Okay, I'm being over-dramatic. But, I do miss her when she's gone. She doesn't think I do. She thinks I'm the strong one, the one who doesn't need her, but she's wrong. I do. That's why I wrote a song or two about it. She doesn't read my blogs, so I can say anything on here without fear of embarassing her. (You can't be embarrassed if you don't know what's going on, right?)

In two months we will be married 3 years. I know that's not that long, but I pray that God will strengthen our marriage for many more years. I hear things can get really tough around the time kids come and other milestones like that. I'm just enjoying every minute I've got her, and just her. She'll be back on Sunday. I can't wait.


Chad said...

I can't believe it's already been 3 years. Time goes by so fast.

Nathan Bruhn said...


Wow, you hit the nail right on the head. First of all, I wanted to give you some props on the changing of the seasons in respect to theatre.

No joke, that has to be one of the coolest "naturalist" metaphors I have heard. I am reading "Walden" by Henry David Thoreau right now, so I guess I am keeping my ears a little more piqued to the naturalist tome.

Trust me, there is no other niche writer like Thoreau, but damn if it is not cumbersome to extract some simple laid-back reading enjoyment out of it - it's rather, well, for lack of a better comparison, cumbersome. I just told myself, "Dude, it's one of the modern classics, just give it a try." I'm still not sure if I'm digging it.

Your comparison of nature is much more economical to the palate.

Now don't get your head all blown up to the sky because I compared your little riff to Thoreau, I'm just saying it was cool, that's all. :)

P.S. Could you be any more on my wavelength on the "just let me stay on the computer for a few more minutes, babe, ok?" subject. I laughed to myself after reading that because that is so me and my wife!

Jason said...

I know exactly what you mean. Kari has had to go to Phoenix, AZ for work twice for a week at a time, and I've gone a a few conferences for 5-6 days at a time. I can sympathize with the feeling that you actually miss those annoying interruptions.

About the tough times in marriage, statistically, you have made it through one of the big ones. The first 2 years is one of the most difficult, and it sets the tone for the marriage. You're right, though: kids will be the next big one. I'm glad you guys are waiting as long as you can (even though we REALLY want cousins for Aidan and Regan). The stronger your relationship is before kids, the better prepared it will be for the strain that kids put on your marriage. I think Kari and I were well-prepared in that regard. Figuring out how to get a two-year-old to take a well-needed nap, now that's a different matter.

Jason said...

Kyle's brother here. The way to read Walden is as follows:

1. Read it all the way through, plowing through the parts that make your brain fall out your ears.
2. Read (or preferably see) the play 'The Night Thoreau Spent in Jail'.
3. Read Walden through again, this time paying closer attention to the details.

That's what I did, and I was amazed how much of it made sense the second time. Good luck, though.

For more "Eco-Philosophy" readings, try Gregory Bateson's 'Steps to an Ecology of the Mind' and his follow-up, 'Mind and Nature'. I'm still cleaning up the brain goo.

ML said...

Hey I know you missed Amanda very much. But I'm glad you hung out with us tonight. It was so much fun being with you. The meal, music, drinks, desserts and company was just great. We'll have to do it again sometime with Amanda too. And I totally agree about summer. It is by far my favorite season. I don't mind the heat that much.